You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
