Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
