she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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