Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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