I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
