I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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