the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
