if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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