I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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