why didn't you poke me back
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
