Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
