yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
