is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
