Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
