Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
