We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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