i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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