hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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