From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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