I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
