I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
