I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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