I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
