OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
