She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
