I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
