wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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