So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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