Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize