I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize