if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
