I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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