nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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