Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
handjob tips. give me some.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
