Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize