Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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