Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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