then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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