90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
