Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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