I got chris browned last night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
