I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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