The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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