six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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