I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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