Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
