Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
