saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
