Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
