Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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