Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
