Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
