I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
