Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
