even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
