Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
