I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
