im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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