Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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