need another drink. this is the easiest way
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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