I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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