k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
