Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
if only i could text you this smell
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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