he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize