well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
