I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
where are you?
Hypothermia
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
