and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
BRING THE BAGELS
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
