I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
