And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
