It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
