what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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