i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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