I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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