I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
