He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she smelled like a LAN party
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
