Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
