i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
