Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
being pregnant is like rehab
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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