You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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