He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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