But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
