I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
