I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
