Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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