Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
