Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
