I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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