And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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