How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize