Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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