I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
