Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
