You work out of a Hotel?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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