i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
