Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
