Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
