So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
