I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
